Are you feeling angry today? Anger can become overwhelming when we can’t label WHY we are angry. When we carry this emotion over into our calls and meetings with clients, we’ll be unlikely to perform our best within sales.
Here are 2 questions to help you label the source of your anger, so you can improve your relationships with others.
Question #1: Why do you feel unsafe?
Anger is an extremely powerful emotion that allows the body to take strong, powerful actions to defend itself from danger.
It’s the FIGHT part of our “Fight or Flight” system. This system is programmed to use our memories and past experiences to scan our current environment for threats that may hurt us.
Asking yourself this question will help you identify stressors like people or events in your environment that are making you feel in danger. Try to determine what behaviours your partner, colleagues or manager are taking that may be making you feel unsafe.
Can you trace them back to a hurtful experience in the past that is clouding your judgement and causing you to misperceive their behaviour as dangerous?
Example: Your current partner using their phone or social media may unintentionally make you feel unsafe (therefore angry) because a previous partner cheated on you.
Example: The way your current manager gives feedback, may unintentionally remind you of a previous manager who bullied and fired you without notice.
Once you can make this connection between behaviours in the present that trigger hurtful memories of the past; try sharing them with the person that is unintentionally making you feel unsafe with their actions.
Most people will be happy to modify their behaviours once they’re aware of why they make you upset.
Questions #2: What core values were crossed?
We all have a core value and belief system that governs our expectation of how people and the world should function. We want to protect these core values. Anger provides the fuel we need to protect our value/ belief systems and fight for them.
Do you know what your core values are?
Here are some examples: Justice, generosity, caring, cooperation, compassion, accountability, courage, tradition, etc.
Mine are respect for others, honesty and loyalty.
When I get upset, I can usually trace the source of my anger back to an action someone has taken that I perceived as going against one of these core values. If I feel like all three core values are simultaneously crossed, then I tend to get really upset.
But again… Have you shared your core values with the people around you?
Have you shared how certain actions trigger your value system?
If someone has a core value of being risk averse and their partner believes taking risks leads to opportunity; then it’s very likely these two value systems will drive different expectations and behaviours that will create conflict.
When we share our value systems with others, we can find ways to meet in the middle. This is how we co-create a shared set of expectations that help both parties feel valued and supported.
So…
Why are you angry today?
Learning to control our emotions is a critical part of building resilience and protecting Mental Health in sales. For more best practices like this one, checkout our virtual training options for sales teams and individual contributors. Alternatively, feel free to join the free weekly newsletter that will help you feel and perform your best within sales.
About The Author
Jeff Riseley is currently the Founder of the Sales Health Alliance and Mental Health Advocate. With over a decade of sales experience – Jeff understands the importance of Mental Health in achieving peak sales performance.
Jeff combines his sales and Mental Health expertise to improve sales performance through mental health best practices. His strategies have helped sales teams become more motivated, resilient and better equipped to tackle stressful events within sales.
